Parent Essay Example For Students

Parent Essay Child BondingThesis: Bonding does not refer to mutual affection between a baby and an adult,but to the phenomenon whereby adults become committed by a one-way flow ofconcern and affection to children for whom they have cared during the firstmonths and years of life. I. The importance of bonding or attachment in anindividuals life. A. Friend acquaintances B. A mother-child attachment 1. Thepower and importance of such a bond 2. How it paves the way for futureattachments II. The elements that are important to a mother-child bond. A. TouchB. Eye-to-Eye contact, voice and entertainment C. Odor among other things III. Bonding as it relates to breastfeeding A. The importance of breastfeeding to thebond development IV. Bonding and the hyperactive child A. The impact of bondingon hyperactivity B. Dealing with hyperactivity 1. Its believed origin V. Bondingand Divorce The problem associated with divorce as it relates to Children andthe bond between both parents In each persons life much of the joy and sorrowrevolves around attachments or affectionate relationships making them,breaking them, preparing for them, and adjusting to their loss by death. Amongall of these bonds as a special bond the type a mother or father forms withhis or her newborn infant. Bonding does not refer to mutual affection between ababy and an adult, but to the phenomenon whereby adults become committed by aone-way flow of concern and affection to children for whom they have caredduring the first months and years of life. According to J. Robertson in his bookA Baby in the Family: Loving and Being loved, individuals may have fro m threehundred to four hundred acquaintances in there lifetimes, but at any one timethere are only a small number of persons to whom they are closely attached. Heexplains that much of the richness and beauty of life is derived from theseclose relationships which each person has with a small number of individuals mother, father, brother, sister, husband, wife, son, daughter, and a small cadreof close friends (Robertson 1). A mother?s love is a crude offering, andaccording to Kennell and Klaus. In heir book Parent-Infant Bonding, there is apossessiveness in it, theres appetite in it. There is also a Drat theKid element in it, theres generosity in it, theres power in it, as wellas humility. However sentimentality is outside of it altogether and is repugnantto mothers (Kennell and Klaus 1). Some argue that attachment is one qualitativefeature of the emotional tie to the partner. The operationalization of theconstruct (attachment) to determine the presence or absence has to be done bysom e measure of the interaction between partners, and Joe Mercer in MothersResponses to their infants with defects says: The mothers either respond to herinfant?s cries with affectionate behaviors and evokes the infantsinteracting to suggest the infant is a central part of her life, or she does. The infant either shows preferential responses to the mother, responds to herverbal and tactile stimulation, or does not. (Mercer 17). He further goes on toexplain that it is easier for the infant to say the tie to the mother is absent,but the psychological complexity of adults make it far more difficult to say amother has no bond to her infant (Mercer 19). Attachment is crucial to thesurvival and development of the infant. Kenneth and Klaus points out that theparents bond to their child may be the strongest of all human ties (Kennell andKlaus 3). This relationship has two unique characteristics. First, before birthone individual infant gestates within a part of the mother body and second,after birth she ensures his survival while he is utterly dependent on her anduntil he becomes a separate individual. According to Mercer, the power of thisattachment is so great that it enables the mother and father to make the unusualsacrifices necessary for the care of their infant. Day after day, night afternight; changing diapers, attending to cries, protecting the child from danger,and giving feed in the middle of the night despite their desperate need to sleep(Mercer 22). It is important to note that this original parent-infant tie is themajor source for all of the infant?s subsequent attachment and is theformative relationship in the course of which the child develops a sense ofhimself. Throughout his lifetime the strength and character of this attachmentwill influence the quality of all future ties to other individuals. The questionis asked, What is the normal process by which a father and mother becomeattached to a healthy infant? Well, since the human infant is whollydependent on his mother or caregiver to meet all his physical and emotionalneeds the strength and durability of the attachment may well determine whetheror not he will survive and develop optimally. Experimental data suggest that thepast experiences of the mother are a major determinant in molding hercar e-giving role. Children use adults, especially loved and powerful adults, asmodels for their own behavior. Children development literature states that thepowerful process of imitation or modeling socially inclines children. Kennelland Klaus explain that unless adults consciously and painstakingly reexaminethese learned behaviors, they will unconsciously repeat them when they becomeparents (Kennell and Klaus 11). Thus the way a woman was raised, which includesthe practices of her culture and the individual idiosyncrasies of her ownmothers child raising practices greatly influences her behavior toward her woninfant. Bob Brazelton in The Early Mother-Infant Adjustment says that, Itmay seem to many that attachment to a small baby will come naturally and to maketoo much of it could be a mistake but there are many, many women who have adifficult time making this adjustment(Brazelton 10). He points out that wemust understand the ingredients of attachment in order to help, because eachmothe r-child dyad is unique and has individual needs of its own (Brazelton 12). Teenage Pregnancy EssayShe explains that parents need to understand that their bonding should not bedissolve after 2,3,5 or even 10 years, it is something that should last alifetime and be taken into consideration at every bend along the long and dreadpathway of life (Berman 21). According to Susan Meyers in her book Who Will Takethe Children? makes it clear that no one factor can be held responsible forshaping the kind of person one becomes or the ways in which an individual tendsto look at things (Meyers 30). She further explains that many elements impactupon peoples lives, from the genes we inherit to the families we are born intoand the communities in which the child grows up (Meyers 31). As pointed out byBerman, Divorce is one of the worst things that can happen between parentsduring the early years of a child?s life, not only can divorce break allthe bonds which were previously established, but is something that can leave thechildren with lots of baggage.(Meyers 30) Berman la ter points out thatwhen children learn that a vow or bond can be broken (and divorce writes the endto the marital vow), they face life with uncertainty. When they do not receivethe nurturing that?s needed, they are likely to enter into healthyrelationships (Berman 35). Berman states the case of a thirty-four-year-oldwoman whose parents divorced when she was thirteen. The woman asks, whenyour parents betray you and break the bond between them and their child, thenwho do you trust? Is it a rhetorical question? She goes on to explain,for years I had the feeling that everyone was out to get me. It took me along time to trust anyone. (Berman 36) Maybe now people (parents) willcome to realize that bonding does not only refer to mutual affection between ababy and an adult. But it is the phenomenon whereby adults become committed by aone-way flow of concern and affection for whom they have cared during the firstmonths and years of life. BibliographyBerman, Claire. Adult Children of Divorce Speak Out. New York: Simon andSchuster, 1991. Brazelton, Bob. The Early Mother-Infant Adjustment. Amsterdam:Elsevier Publishing Co. 1973. Kennell, John and Marshall Klaus. Parent-InfantBonding. Missouri: The C.V. Mosby Company, 1976. Macfarlene, Rolland. TheRelationship between Mother Neonate. New York: Oxford University Press,1978. Mercer, Joe. Mothers Response to Their Infants with Defects. New York:Charles B. Slack Inc., 1974. Meyers, Susan. Who Will Take the Children?Indianapolis/New York: Bobbe-Mervil, 1983. Oaklander, Violet. Windows to ourChildren. Utah: Real People- Press, 1978. Robertson, J. A Baby in the Family:Loving and being loved. London: Penguin Books, Ltd., 1982. Stewart, Mark A. Raising a Hyperactive Child. London: Harper and Row Publishers, 1973.